It’s been four years since I lost my husband. I still miss him more than ever, that won’t change because he was a special soul who is still with me, and who is still very much alive traversing the spiritual realms.
I am not my story, you are not your story, but we can carry them around like giant books, heavy burdens that crush us even more, some people get stuck in their pain and stuck in their victim mentality, so we need to reprogram our self image, down to the words we use to communicate with or speak to ourselves with. We need to be reminded of our resilience and ability to transcend pain and heal, we are capable of overriding negative programming, we are electromagnetic beings, miracles can happen and they do, even when we stop believing in them, miracles still happen. The world is a mysterious and magical place full of adventures to be had and stories to be learned from.
I have had such a strange life! Some of my adventures, I remembered as a child, my past lives in other times on this planet and beyond. As a young girl from the age of 8 to 13, I used to have memories and reoccurring dreams of an ancient pyramid city and I eventually discovered this city existed and was real, not just a figment of my imagination but my childhood memories were real soul memories.
This led me into being interested in Past lives and Past life Regression. I then had an operation at the age of fourteen to remove a tumour, I had an NDE and experienced the profound mysteries of being a soul outside the body and traversing the multiverse.
Throughout my youth, I had horrendous bronchitis and asthma every winter in the UK. My other health issues that emerged were when I was fourteen years old, I had my first tumour diagnosed, in my lower jawbone, a strange place for a tumour to grow. I was diagnosed as a medical anomaly since then, for having more strange benign tumours that popped up in my upper jaw and back of my head, and in different parts of my body, they grew very large, very quickly. The first two grew in my head, upper and lower jaw and nasal cavity, which meant I had to have some very long and complicated surgery. I was told I would have facial scars, and a speech impediment, luckily I didn’t. I had 8 stitches in the back of my throat, a hole between the roof of my mouth and my nose was made, to take the second tumour the size of an orange out through it. Then a small amount of my upper jaw bone was removed, leaving me to endure a 100 percent liquid food diet for an entire year. That was tough. I had dreams of a food banquet every night!
Because of the tumours that kept showing up along my life path, I had to have a lot of operations that left me incapacitated for months and took some years to recover from or interrupted my ability to establish a consistent professional life. I had instead to cultivate a deep inner world that tolerated pain and health issues that limited me and made me feel frustrated that I was unable to achieve some life goals. However, now upon reflection, I think I really ended up living quite a rich life, as I felt like I had to seize the day and take risks and seize opportunities, I otherwise wouldn’t take. Compared to some people, I did not play it safe, I was not scared of taking action and making big leaps.
Since a young age, I practiced lots of different healing modalities. I grew up in a rich cultural mix especially in London and England, which gives me a passion for people from all nations, I embrace them and love travelling. Buddhist meditation was part of my life for a long time from a young age along with alternative health and herbal medicines, Steiner knowledge, Wilhelm Reich, Aether science, reiki, quantum healing which is really aether healing just given a new name, mindset healing. Due to the winter bronchitis and asthma, I left the UK in my early 30s, I wanted to live in warmer countries . So I left my homeland, and travelled to the Americas, I have since lived in eight countries and travelled to more over the last sixteen years, I rescued a lot of animals along the way. When I left England in 2006, I created a non-profit organization, and started doing environmental projects and environmental education in Guatemala where I was invited by the T’zutujil communities to help design an environmental education program for two Mayan schools in a village on Lago Atitlan, Guatemala. I remember one Christmas there I got sick with septicaemia.
After I left Guatemala in 2009, a lot happened that led me to one of my life long dreams which was to work in the Amazon rainforest, which I did in Ecuador from 2010.
I was working with indigenous communities in the Amazon rainforest on biodiversity conservation projects, this is an article I wrote for the Ecologist Magazine about that experience in 2013. After being in the Amazon, I returned to the Andean mountains, where I got sick with malaria. I then returned to the UK for 11 months, I was diagnosed with eight giant tumours in my uterus, the size of a baby that almost left me with 1 kidney as it had crushed the other kidney and my internal organs, but they wouldn’t operate in the UK quick enough, I was put on a year long waiting list. So I went back to Ecuador, I wrote a book to share all I had learned as I truly thought I wouldn’t survive the operation, I had to have a hysterectomy at the age of 37. My surgeon was an Ecuadorian woman, she told me she thought I was a walking miracle, she was puzzled how I was able to function with the size of that mass inside me, when she showed me the picture she took of the baby sized tumours that had been inside me, I certainly wondered, why I was still alive! I still have that photo and look at it when I need reminding that miracles are real, and when I want to shock other people, I show them that photo. I did some research about that and discovered that 60 million women in the US had the same before forty years old as it was due to the contraceptive pill that women were prescribed at young ages. I recovered in the coastal forest of Ayampe, Manabi, with 5 rescue dogs and 6 rescue cats.
One year later, I met a wonderful man in Ecuador and fell in love, he was my soul mate, however we had barely been together 18 months when tragic events unfolded, he was kidnapped multiple times, heavily persecuted and brutally tortured, taken from me again and again until he died in April 2018. A whole story of many rabbit holes, we won’t go down here.
After that, I spiralled into severe raw grief and suicidal depression, being in a new country as we had to flee Ecuador, I was in Peru, when he had disappeared for the last time and was found dead back in Ecuador. At that time, I knew no one and had no friends or family by my side in a new country, I was immobilized, unable to do anything. I never experienced such tremendous loss and grief like that ever before. It was hard to breath, or put one foot in front of the other. It physically hurt to be alive and made me sick, I cried so hard that I suffocated in my own tears every day, I cannot remember much of those days, as I was in a raw grief bubble. I was lucky to find a grief therapist and suicide loss counselling group that kept me going and one kind friend from England came and stayed with me for two weeks some months later.
Eventually, I moved to Spain and France, however, the lockdowns and pandemic events unfolded which forced me into further isolation and depression. I was unable to return to England to be with family in those two years due to the strict regulations. Meanwhile to seek solace, I dove into the teachings of Puma, my Andean shaman mentor and learned the secrets of human ancestry from the ancient Incan teachings, which helped me through some dark nights of the soul. I also discovered ESP Silva method which is very much like most hypnotherapy techniques, the only difference is imagination is used more via the dynamic mind with relaxation into Alpha brain wave states. This practice helped me from being engulfed in negative beliefs and patterns and I found it to be helpful combined with my own hypnotherapy techniques to transform PTSD trauma, healing my sleep apnea. Since then I have been using these with programming my own mind with my hypnotherapy scripts that I write myself. Its kind of like rewriting your own story with a positive outcome instead of allowing the past traumas engulf your mind and body.
Now, I use all of these modalities combined with breathwork, meditation, reiki, Silva method, qigong, deep ecology, hypnotherapy, and Incan Earth Wisdom. The healing services I offer clients, really depend on who you are, what your problem is, what your goals are, where you are spiritually. We start off with a free discovery call, this allows me to learn about you and your challenges, and create a personally tailored healing journey to rewrite your internal dialogue, to trance-form it to a positive one for you.
My aim is to use my own spiritual intuition, working with my healing guides, and using all of these skills and personal experiences to help you conquer your own dark night of the soul or make some changes because you have become tired of the pain. I know that I am a walking testimony, I have endured so much, after health issues, deep trauma, loss and grief. Yes, we have changed after going through such experiences and yes, we will never be what we once were, we lose a lot of self confidence along the way and feel like we cannot ever repair ourselves, everything has altered. However, I am here to tell you, it is still possible to heal, rebuild your self confidence, conquer your anxiety, have a life after losing a spouse and transcend and transform your mind and to live a deeply richer existence, to be kinder to yourself and others and build happier new chapters. There are bright new and exciting beginnings waiting for you.
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